Hello, boys and girls of the Fat Girl Nation. As you may know, sudden onset second-trimester morning sickness brought my blogging to an abrupt – but temporary – halt. Then I was on bed rest, and then I had a whole brand-new human being to figure out how to care for, so I wasn’t really cooking, eating, or even sleeping.
Surprisingly, all 3 of those are kinda important for my posts to maintain the redonkulous foodgasmic culinary brainstorms and precise comedic timing we’ve all come to expect.
Comedy, baby. Via funny-pictures-everyday.blogspot.com
I had this gloriously long post planned, and then realized that, with a wee human running around (or rather, laying in one spot unable to do anything but sleep/cry by itself), my posts will probably hafta get shorter. But short can also be sweet, so nobody cry, ok?
And no, that’s not Fat Baby. Because when Fat Baby cries, I don’t take pictures, I comfort the poor thing. In fact, tangentially, I’m a little disturbed at how many people have posted pics of sobbing infants to the Great Cloud…but then again, it saved me from having to do it to my kid, so I guess, on second thought, hooray =\
Anyways, bringing it back to food, since I cooked for the very first time in months this past weekend, I figured I was now Fat Girl enough to begin writing again. And Fat Baby is only 4 weeks old! That makes me super gangster, right? A hardcore culinary enthusiast? Not some whinny slug-a-bed? GOOD!
What did I cook, you ask? Well, I think for a while all the meals that I cook will be simple, fast, and mostly prepared by some loving manufacturing plant somewhere. Fat Baby was 21” long AND transverse when my water broke, so my cesarean incision is LITERALLY from hip-to-hip. The dr says I’ll never wear bikinis again. But if being fat never stopped me, why would a scar hidden under a fat roll stop me?
Saturday I made OMG Roasted Potatoes and steak sammiches with a product my parents introduced to me while they were baby-visiting. It’s steaks…from Wal-Mart…
In case you didn’t know, my dad is gaga for Wal-Mart. If he could, I’m sure he’d live there. Now, I’ve never been a Wally-world hater on the level of religious rapture that some people are, but I do loathe them from a laziness stand point. Their stores are huge and I’ve never waited in line for less than 2 agonizing hours – which is the exact opposite of what I want after walking around for 3 hours buying $800 of crap I didn’t know I TOTALLY NEEDED until I saw it.
However, these steaks are worth a run – provided you make that run at 3am on a Tuesday (or whatever period of lull your local store may have).
So my roasted-potato-and-steak-sammich meal ran me about 17 minutes active cooking time (the only currency that matters to me these days), spread out over about 45 minutes of breaktime (oh, I lied, RESTING is the only currency that really matters anymore). I chopped up the potatoes and got them roasting, then chillaxed until they came out of the oven before I pan-fried the steaks in a dry pan. I let the steaks rest on a wire rack while I smeared the buns with a dab of soft butter and pan-fried them to golden-brown-and-delicious and Fat Hubby tossed up a salad. Hallelujah and voila – a real meal!
Yesterday, after so much success the night before (and having ordered pizza for lunch), I had Fat Hubby go freezer diving for something yummy and easy. I ended up lining the bottom of a roasting pan with canned green beans, placed Schwan’s Chicken Cordon Bleu thingies on top of the green beans, and oven baked them with a pan of Schwan’s Au Gratin Potatoes. Did I mention that Schwan’s delivers right to your door? (and they have the best ice cream I’ve ever tasted – but that’s another post)
The chicken was fully cooked but tender and literally squirting out juices, which got all over my green beans in the nicest way possible (since I realized after they were in the oven that I hadn’t seasoned them at all). The potatoes were creamy and tangy and cheesy, with this ridiculously crunchy, crumbly crusty thing on top. Like a cross between awesome hashbrowns and the cheese around the edge of a grilled cheese sammich, where it touched the pan and got all frico-like.
Well, I can hear Fat Baby mumbling his “I’m about to wake up” gurgles, so I’d better wrap this up PDQ. Wednesday, look forward to a restaurant review, and Friday I’ll be making your life awesome if you live in Las Vegas and wish more great restaurants delivered – yes, we finally found a meal service that operates OFF THE STRIP, and with reasonable delivery fees. It’s gonna be a great week.